Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
