My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
