My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
