Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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