thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
