You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
