"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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