these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
