I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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