Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
