living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
