Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
