508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
