Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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