Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
