Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
