Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
