I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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