i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize