i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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