On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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