You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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