She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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