You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
