Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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