six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize