and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my being single is dangerous.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
