I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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