**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
