was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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