Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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