I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
