I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
