did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
