New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
