Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
