the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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