So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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