did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize