: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
