There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
