If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
