I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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