If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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