He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
