I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
