you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
