dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
