Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
