I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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