Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
