I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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