You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
