Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize