that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
