Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
