is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
