not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
