Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
