Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
