Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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