Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
