DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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