Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
