So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
