I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
