I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
