Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
